Most of us would have at some stage, experienced an awkward conversation. Those interactions when we need to make a good impression, but we seem to be so self conscious and nervous that we struggle with basic abilities like walking and talking (ever had an awkward crush?) For some of us, these moments are pretty frequent because your personality is just awkward in general.
Awkwardness. Argh! Moments that make you squirm. Moments when you can’s seem to concentrate on a conversation because you’re so distracted by the thoughts going on in your head… What are they thinking of me? Why can’t I hold eye contact with them? Why are my words so fumbled? I’m not making any sense. They must think I’m an idiot. I wonder if there’s anything in my teeth. Eye contact! I don’t know what to do with my hands. Why did I just say that? Why did I make than joke? I bet they know how uncomfortable I feel right now. Eye contact! So awkward!
And the conversation doesn’t finish quick enough. We continue to interact with them, but really all we want to do is run and hide.
We get to know those specific people in our lives that make us especially uncomfortable, so we try our best to stay away from them.
Why would I willingly put myself through the pain of awkwardness?
Why is it so painful? We feel intimidated. Insecure. We feel judged. Self conscious. We think we have nothing in common with a person. What will we talk about? Maybe they know something. We don’t want to talk about it. We’ve disappointed them. We feel guilty. And sometimes we’re actually just tired, introverted and would rather not interact with people.
It’s uncomfortable. It’s exhausting.
So it’s easy…just avoid them.
I recently discovered that God has often become one of these people that I avoid.
I may have said or done something I’m not proud of. I may have gone a few days without reading my bible. He may be wanting me to do something in particular, but I’ve been putting it off. I may feel like I’m not capable of meeting His expectations right now.
And He knows. He knows everything.
Yet even though I know I could just go to Him, ask for forgiveness, hang out with Him and everything will be sweet, it just seems too hard sometimes. I’m tired and not ready to face Him.
Is it possible that I can feel too awkward to approach God??
It’s a bit ridiculous… our sin doesn’t need to feel like an elephant in the room when we come to Him. Reality is, guilt and shame actually should be what we’re feeling after we’ve disobeyed God. Sin creates that feeling of distance and awkwardness with Him. But He’s actually not shocked when we fumble and make dumb decisions…He kinda expects it. We’re human. He’s always ready to forgive, forget and move on.
He is good. He has so much grace. His acceptance is real. His love is generous.
I also get the biggest relief knowing that I don’t have to put on a face with God. He doesn’t expect me to have it all together. I don’t have to run and check myself in a mirror before I open the door for Him. I don’t have to be fully awake and articulate my words perfectly for Him to understand me. I don’t need to keep Him happy, be in a good mood and smile, or be super-sensative to ensure I don’t offend Him, or be witty and make Him laugh…
And that’s the way He likes me.
I can be the BIGGEST DAG when I approach God. No fashion. No shame. No perfection. No energy. No pressure. No awkwardness.
No reason to run and hide.